Brace Yourselves!

If you want to be rich you should be our dentist. I swear we pour thousands into our teeth every year. None of us have been blessed with perfectly healthy teeth. Although neither Carter or I ever needed braces. That aparently doesn't mean a thing. Courtney needed braces. Of course.
So about a month ago we went to visit Dr. Wayne Christian. Apparently he was voted "Most Popular Teen Hang Out" in the junior high yearbook. Very funny. We walk in the door only to be greeted by a large computer demanding we check in. We do. "Grab a toothbrush and proceed to a brushing station" reads a sign next to the computer. We do. We are then promptly whisked to the x-ray room where a woman (not the orthodontist) quickly takes several x-rays and beckons who I presume is the Dr. He counts and rattles of a series of numbers, which I mistakenly thought was the cost of each brace. My heart begins to palpitate and my palms sweat. It is sounding all technical and really, really expensive. "Your daughter is missing some teeth. Hasn't anyone ever told you that before?" "NO!" I pant. "Is that bad? It sounds bad." "It should be OK. Just wondering." He states nonchalantly. Bullet dodged. "Your insurance won't pay, but it does give you a 20% discount!" Bullet not dodged.
During our conversation, out of the corner of my eye, I am watching what seems like 100 kids in 100 chairs have braces applied, tightened, and removed in the next room. At this point I am keeping my mouth shut for fear they will slap some braces on me. This place runs like clockwork, one Orthodontist, lots of assistants, tons of teens, adults (apparently it is trendy to be old and get braces, seriously the least of my "old" worries) and because we are in St. George lots of polygamists.
Later we go to have the braces put on. Same drill, computer, brushing station, big room, lots of chairs and teenagers. An assistant begins the doctors work, he rolls between 8 patients in one large room on one of those little swively, rolly chairs. He probably has huge calf muscles. While we were there 2 kids got braces, one mom had hers tightened, one polygamist man had his tightened, 2 kids had molds taken (sick) and one very cute girl had hers take off (I think I actually heard the hallelujah chorus playing). Seriously, as she was having her braces removed, the secretaries came in with balloons that said something about "surviving braces" and they were singing a song that was written especially for this occasion. I thought the cute teenage girl was going to punch one of those peppy singing secretaries.
All the while, Courtney just sat there, cool as a cucumber as she requested pink and white elastics. I thought I had convinced her to go clear, you know unnoticeable. Not colored like you have some disgusting particle of pink food stuck in your teeth. Can you believe teenagers want green, brown, orange, or even yellow elastics on their teeth? Bullet not dodged. She just informed me she is getting orange and whit for Halloween. " Not orange and black?" I question. "No, black is disgusting, it looks like you have food in your teeth." She answers. Go figure.
As we left we got a list of prizes you could buy with "ortho bucks" -wooden tokens earned by brushing, not breaking brackets, straight A's. etc., a t-shirt (you get extra bucks if you wear it to your appointment), a snazzy pouch filled with all your braces needs, and a cup bank of sorts to hold you many tokens. I have to hand it to them, they make the drudgery of wearing braces seem fun--until you read your "What You Can't Eat With Braces Sheet." Kudos to Courtney who was a great sport, and who is going above and beyond to take care of her new metal filled mouth. Hey it could be worse!